missing 2

Was in cinema.
The person next to me
Wasnt you.

I was cold.
The air-condition is making me cold.
I was shaking.

I miss you.
I miss to cuddle under your arms.
You always rub my arms so I wont feel cold.
You put my hand on your tummy to warm with your warmth.

Where are you?
ok...
I know I should sleep now.

miss R

I miss him.

No one care.

So go sleep.

Good night.

Lost

I am so lost.

I do not know.

I need to sleep.

我怀念的

很想念她。

姑婆。

听起来，应该是远亲，对吧？

不是。姑婆和外婆住在一起，看着我们长大， 是我们的一份子。

儿时的百家被，

和表姐表哥一起狼吞虎咽吃的鸡脚；

现在还在怀念的客家咸茶， 肉饼，春卷， 粽子，现在可真的吃不到了。

早知道我那天就进去ICU看看她，因为那是最后一面。早知道。早。知。道。

有首歌：“我从新加波流泪到新山”哈哈。。。我真的是这样。

从新加波赶回去的那条旅程，我的眼睛没有干过。 我没有理会别人的眼光，我就一直哭，一直哭。。哭到我的隐形眼镜在投诉了，我还在哭。

因为我知道，回到去，我就该坚强。我就该撑起大家。这是我的责任。

那两天，我一直就在姑婆旁为他烧金银纸，因为那是离她最近的地方。这是一种陪伴，一种守护。幸好有表哥，小舅在旁陪伴，不然我想我会一直想哭。

一直都很坚强。因为我没有遗憾和后悔。我一有时间就会培姑婆聊天，听她炫耀自己的花草，还有小小鱼。虽然我知道她年时高，却没有留意到是高到可以让她离我们而去。这是我的疏忽。

崩溃。

那一刻，大家都崩溃。

我第一次看见妈妈哭，看着她抖动的背影，我的心都碎了。

看着舅舅哭得喘不过气， 我告诉自己，眼泪要往肚子里面吞。

已走的，我们做不了什么。

还在的，我会用尽全力去保护照顾。

姑婆没有白走。

这是我告诉姐姐的。

姑婆的走，提醒了我们，不要一直以为还有明天。

有些事，要做的及时。

那天，知道姑婆早就把所有的香烟托人卖掉了。

原来，她想戒烟。

原来，她还想再活下去。。。

那天，送她的人， 很多。

感恩。

我陪舅舅坐在棺材车里，护送姑婆到火化厂。

45分钟的路程， 我们只重复说了一句话：“姑婆，过桥了。”

一手摸着姑婆的棺木，心里不停地和她对话。

一手扶着舅舅的肩膀，给他最大的支持。

这段路，我们要坚定的带她走。

Yoga & Me

Today is a fruitful day!

I attended my yoga class early in the morning. I have stopped from praticing yoga for ages.

I like yoga.
Yoga brings me to a peaceful mind.
I find achivement and satisfaction in Yoga.
I feel happy when I able to do the challenging posture.

My friends admire on me because I can simply bend and stretch my body here and there for a certain yoga posture. I am proud on myself because I can make it perfectly.

Why?
haha....
You may think I was born with softer ligaments so i can over strecth/bend my body.
But I think we are equal in everthing.

I believe pratice makes perfect!
I believe in Yoga; I believe I can pose the posture, so I try and try and try, no rush but patiently adjust my body from day to day. Some yoga postures may looked insane. Like this:When you see people having this yoga posture, you may sound" Wow!!!" or " Urgh! is he/she human? where's his/her bones?" or " it's torturing!" For me, it's in another case. Yoga requires patience.

Everyone can make this..... : As long as you understand your body well.
I have been using some time to know every part of my body.
Every single movement in yoga will make you understand more about your body.
Listen to your body, you will know more.
You will find the strength and weakness on your body.

Today, I found my right leg is weaker than my left leg.
Everytime I travel by bus, I can feel pain on my right knee.
Well, I have to take care of it and something is wrong on it. :p

Some life lessons I get from yoga:

* The secret of life has become clearer; things become simple when you know yourself more.
* There are so many unfair treatment in life. So what? This is life and we are human. Let's try to accept those imperfections so we can find another way to make things perfect!

I remember my athlete senior strongly suggested me to quit from yoga because he thinks yoga is a kind of " lazy sport "
haha.....
What do you think?

just a bit emo

phew~

not very good recently

even though I still smile like a sunshine

Things become more complicated

that's not just :" if u dun like, u can leave."

Nope.

Not that easy..

I cant leave.

I gonna stay.

Thousands of burden on my shoulder now.

Heavy.

How many times I wake up at 4am and stare at the ceiling and cant fall asleep again?

How many times I dream myself working hard in the office?

How many times I find myself sweating?

SzeWei:" I think u are still adapting to new environment."

I hope so.

Most of the time, I am just be quite and think.

I need someone.

I look at my left, no one.

I look at my right, no one.

I am alone.

( Well.....guys, dun get freak with this, i know it's wasting time to think I am alone)

hui e, wen, yeesan, I know u gals are always there for me.

But i am a lonely fighter.

I gonna fight in the toughest war.

I dun wan

Just wan to kick their ass!

Kenny:"sweetheart, u knw you are a fighter! I am proud of you!"

Yes, Sir...I know it....

When I am in something that I not really want , I have to make a change or make a big U-turn, but there are no other roads for me. I have to keep moving and telling myself, :" Come On, I can make it!"(bull-shit)

*** To M

Dear son of bitch~ :) Keep on doing those f*ck things on me! I knw u are reading this! This is for you:" You cant break a broken heart!" I got nothing to lose!

*** To D

What's that for!? Use your brain instead of your butt! U make no sense! So stopping doing that because I am naive not stupid! I know EVERYTHING!

What I wan.....is someone hold me and tell me :" everything will be alright!"

But there is no one.

Anywhere, I gonna stand up and move :)

Who belongs to where?

Because of my work, I have to explore myself to most of the issues in Ireland.

Republic of Ireland is a beautiful coutry. It was one of the wealthiest country in the earth before economic crisis 2008. People in Republic Ireland is friendly and kind.

While, it might be another story in Northen Ireland. You might be shocked to know how serious the racist attacks that happened in Northen Ireland. The "hot" issue in the Northen Ireland might be 

-->  "They don't belong here," we've been told. "They're taking our jobs," one caller said; "they're taking our benefits" said another.

One fact we should take note is : there is only 1% of the population are non-local residents.

Yet, it is averanging 20 racist attacks every week.

Does a 5-day old babty born in Belfast is belong to here?

Do other European nationals belong to here?

Do people who are trying to make better life for their families belong to here?

How we gonna determine who belong to where?

Maybe......I mean m.a.y.b.e......Northern Ireland is sick.

Academic study has disclosed that Northern Ireland has prejudice and culture. They are intolerance to "foreigners".

A local-study also revealed that , Northen Ireland is the most prejudice place in the Westen country.

Come on! Wake up Northern Ireland!

my song playlist 1

弦子---第三者的第三者

我想现在的她很快乐

希望你晓得 这样不值得

虽然我们曾爱过

她也曾是第三者

但我不会不让自己重蹈覆辙

我很快乐

请不要再说爱我

别再触碰我心里还未伤愈的角落

习惯一个人的我

并不是缺你不可

如果你是爱我的 就别让自己再犯错

我很快乐

请不要再说爱我

我已经把失去的当成是了一种收获

悲伤的剧情太多 曾经也侵袭着我

所以我不再做 这第三者的第三者

That Day -- Maria Arredondo

Something 'bout your eyes

That I can not forget

Something 'bout your smile

Makes it hard for me to sleep at night

Something about me

Doesn't work like normally

Something about you

That I can't hold on to

Am I waiting in vain?

Do I deserve this pain?

When will I see you again?

Why did you talk to me -- that day

Why did you say those things -- that day

Why did you come to me -- then walk away

When there was something in the air

Soemthing in the wayt I meet you that day

Still can feel the way you looked at me

And I wonder how you stole my heart completely

Something in the way you would hold my hand

That I believe the fate will bring you back to me again

A guy like you belongs to somebody else

A guy like you will never come back again

Do you think of me now

Do you ever wonder how

We can meet again, meet again?

bear in mind bear in mind

亲爱的， 会离开你的人， 就是不适合你的人，就是只能在过去通行一段路的人， 就是与你无缘的人。 一个到处破洞的气球，任你再怎么努力为他灌气，它也不可能再度飞到天上去。

让他走，不是为了成全什么，只是为了让自己好过而已，别为难了自己。

爱的时候，深情款款是温柔。

不爱了， 不怨不尤，这才是更深的温柔。

How you use ur words?

I just cant take my eyes off from her.

I cant get rid of the habit that I have in my uni life, I just cant smooth the frown on my forehead.

She is a skinny girl. She never stop from walking here and there, cleaning the tables and delivering beverages to customers.

How old is she? Why she is here? What the heck she is doing here? 

She should in school in this hour! I have a lot of questions in my mind. She should have her education in school instead of being a waitress in this hawker center!

Well....It might be not polite to stare at her along the way, but I just cant help myself.

Before I left, I found that she is mute, she cant talk.

huh.....okay....this really messed up my mind. Thousand of feeling went through my mind. 

We should appreciate that we can talk. We should take this gift to express our feeling to others. She cant use any verbal way to express her feeling....

Why we seldom tell those we love " I love you." 

Why we seldom say " Thank you " 

Why we seldom say " Sorry "

Why we always use harsh words to hurt those we deeply in love.

Why we always create rumours to ruin reputation of others.

Why we always remain silent when talking is a necessary.

Let's ask yourself , 

do you have a single conversation with your daddy today?

do you ask your parents " How's your day " today?

Do you? Have you? Why dont you ask? Why?

Finally....this is the truth

The house is extremely silent. The only sound that surrounding the house comes from my laptop.

With my shaking hands and wrenching heart, I cant believe what I see at the moment. 

My eyes are covered by mist.I read his blog repeat and repeat again. 4 times. I read it 4 times....again and again....

" I had a total of 5 dates last year.........all…horribly twisted......... " what?! I cant believe our precious  memories is a ....horribly twisted memories for him. ...halo? let's make it clear who messed the thing up!?

I think I can never understand him. He always mysterised himself.

I have been finding many excuses to make a happy ending for our story without really listening to my friends cruel but true opinions. 

I liked him so much, Bastard! 4 months ago.

Thanks you. Really.

I accepted the truth.